The Spill Babes

Here’s something no one warns you about: when your dating life dies down, your inspiration can kind of die with it. 

I realized this the other day at work while talking to my coworker. She said, “I feel like it’s so hard to write about sex when you aren’t having any,” and I was like, wait… why are you attacking me right now? 

When there’s no relationship chaos, no situationships, no staring at a text saying “there’s no way he just texted me that,” suddenly all of the usual topics feel hard to discuss. How am I supposed to write about sex when the only physical contact I’ve had recently is literally with my pillow? How do I talk about dating when I haven’t been on a date for I don’t even know how long?

This is exactly why Spill Babes has been a bit quiet lately. I keep opening my laptop just to stare at a blank doc for days, waiting for some life-altering event to hit me out of the blue. It’s getting to the point I was okay with my ex, who went through my entire phone (including my Dragon breeding game with no chat feature… and my Hay Day), coming back into my life. That’s how desperate I am for something to talk about.

Let’s be clear about something, though. My life isn’t centered around men, and it never has been. I’ve built my routines, my goals, and my personality all without needing a man validating me behind the scenes. I won’t lie to you though Spillers; some of my best advice has come from experiences I have had with them. Not because they were life-altering romances, but because every disrespectful text, almost relationship, and bare minimum disaster has taught me something about myself. These lessons didn’t come from loving them; they came from learning to love myself more (and maybe surviving them). That’s why when the drama dries up, inspiration feels like it has disappeared. Not because I need them to function, but because those experiences and fuck ups give me something to reflect on, dissect, and turn into something I can share with you.

But here’s the best part: the calm has been so fucking hot. Sure, I miss the adrenaline rush of overanalyzing a man’s tone at 3am with my friends. Yes, I miss the way a situationship and I would start arguing midparty and then go home together. But this boring era? I’m actually becoming obsessed with it. 

I think that maybe we don’t talk about the boring era of our lives enough. The lack of chaos allows you to finally have room to breathe. It feels slow at first, but then you realize you’re actually getting to know yourself again without being distracted by the noise. You fall back in love with your passions since you have more time to pursue them. Maybe you pick up new ones. You start pouring all of your energy back into yourself instead of pouring it into situations that never deserved it. It’s not flashy or instagram-worthy, but it’s steady, grounding, and so addicting.

So here’s the advice I’m giving myself, and maybe you need to hear it too: you’re allowed to write from the in-between. 

Not every story needs to include a guy. Not every season of the story of your life needs a villain or a plot twist. These quiet moments teach you how to truly look inward for inspiration instead of relying on the people around you for material. You start writing about what you’re truly thinking, not about what someone did to you. You start asking smarter questions, which lead you into understanding things on a deeper level. 

Relationships and sex will come back around eventually; they always do. The inspiration that comes for them will too. But letting yourself be in this “boring” phase without shaming yourself for it? That’s growth. And honestly, that’s just as important to talk about.

So if you’re here for drama, babes… Stay tuned. The universe loves shaking up our lives when it thinks we’re ready for it, and I’m not stupid enough to think I’m done entertaining red flags forever. For now, I’ll be enjoying my boring era. We all know it never lasts.

Keep Spilling Babes, xx.