Court is officially in session. I, a fully grown (unstable) woman, stand before you today not to plead innocent, but to publicly admit what we all know deep down: I was out of my damn mind. SUE ME!! Crazy to my core. Emotionally reckless. Love drunk off of the attention.

This wasn’t just a made up connection I created in my head. He fully liked me first. He texted first, called me smart, and sent me a playlist named after me. He told me I was his “favorite person to talk to”. Let the record show I am not entirely the victim here though. I was a willing participant in my own downfall.

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Opening Statement: He Was Just into Me Enough to Fuck With My Head

Let the jury know:

• He remembered every detail about me.
• He said he “wasn’t ready for a serious relationship” but still acted like we were in one.
• He cried in my arms after a night out when he found out I was seeing other men.

This wasn’t just a fantasy. It was a beautifully misleading “situationship” built on a shaky foundation of forehead kisses, goodnight texts, and and hearing “are you hungry?” after you’ve cried for 20 minutes post argument.Subscribed

Exhibit A: TikTok Spiral

Evidence includes but is not limited to:

• Watching tarot cards tiktoks until I got the answer I wanted
• Googling “how to make an emotionally unavailable man ready to date”
• Sending screenshots to the 3 person group chat for another opinion

I was doing FBI level, secret agent research on a man who still says “what’s the word?” instead of planning an actual date. He would compliment me like he actually meant it. Say things like “I feel safe when I’m with you” and then go MIA while out with his friends. Talk about Houdini with a nicotine addiction.

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Exhibit B: Mixed Signal Galore

He never told me he loved me, but he said, “I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have you by my side.”
He rarely made plans outside of parties and meeting up at the bar, but he said, “I think about you all the time.”
He wasn’t consistent, but he’d call me “his peace and quiet” after ignoring me all day.

This man served compliments like hors d’oeuvres. No main course. Just psychological warfare. Sometimes a little dessert… don’t judge I deserve a sweet treat.

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Exhibit C: The Audacity I Had

Let’s not forget:

• I defended him like I was on his payroll.
• I said “he just isn’t on his phone a lot” like that was a chronic illness.
• I convinced myself he was “shy in public”. No babes, he was just uninterested and mid.

He told me he “wasn’t ready for a relationship,” and I heard, “try harder bitch.” I mean afterall, we trauma bonded over our childhoods. We shared music like it was our baby. We would fall asleep on the phone whenever we weren’t in each other’s bed. That wasn’t hope. That was an inconsistent intimacy.

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Closing Arguments

The signs were definitely there. He liked me but liking someone isn’t the same as showing up for them. He knew what he was doing. He did just enough to make me feel like I was beautiful to him. Like I mattered to him. But at the end of the day, I held onto moments, not momentum. I filled the gaps with fantasy. I connected the dots just to reveal a picture of mixed signals. I baked a cake, frosted it, and planned a wedding around it.

I read between all of the lines and then wrote the NY Times #1 WORST seller. No plot. Just delusion and despair.

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Verdict: Guilty as Fuck

I sentence myself to:

• 30 days of blocking and EMERGENCY spiritual rebranding
• A ritual deleting of our texts, photos, and anything/anyone who doesn’t bring me happiness
• And zero tolerance for men who “aren’t ready” but still want girlfriend benefits and head rubs (if anything I’ll get a cat)

May the group chat have mercy on my soul cause I’m going to need it when I do it all over again.

Keep Spilling Babes, xx.